Mai Tai

First of all, making and serving a good Mai Tai properly takes patience and care. You just can’t rush the fine art of measuring, squeezing, and combining. After years of gruelling research and drinking, I’ve perfected my version of a Mai Tai.

Half-fill a fairly large glass, preferably something with tiki faces on the side, with ice cubes.

Keep your liquor in the freezer for drinks like this one.


1 ounce – Amaretto
1 ounce – Grand Marnier
1 ounce – White Rum

Squeeze the bejeezus out of one large lime, until you get every last drop.

Pour gently over the ice.


2 ounces – pineapple/guava/passionfruit juice. If we had access to these fresh fruits in Canada I’d suggest squeezing your own, but the carton variety of this blend works just fine. Don’t get anything from concentrate. That’s just junk with sugar.

The last thing to add to the top of this drink is:

1 ounce of dark rum.

Garnish this drink with a giant wedge of pineapple, umbrellas, monkeys and whatever else feels tropical to you.

I’ve thought for a long time that it would be really fun to serve these drinks setting in a wee box of sand.

** WARNING ** These drinks can go down really quickly and, halfway through the first one, you’ll actually hear the ocean. Serve snacks as you prepare this cocktails, and if anyone would like a second one — which they will — put a nice frosty glass of cold water in front of them while you are preparing the next round. Take your time, and cut each of the liquor portions in half, but fill the glass completely with ice this time. You’re warned, now enjoy. Not recommended for people with depression, homesickness, vision problems, anorexia. Also not for men on steroids, people prone to fainting, the unemployed, or people under the age of 40. Promotes creativity, humour, and confessions such as, “I really love you, man. I really do.”

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