The question arises again.

I drag myself through the winter cold to the gym today after being away nearly 10 days.  It’s time for spring and I wonder if the green will ever come again, it makes me freak out a little that I can’t remember well when it was green.  I’m feeling a little gloomy about a couple of my personal projects.  I don’t know if it is the winter that is making me feel blue, but it seems a convenient excuse.  Poor winter taking the blame.  Come on, time to pack your shoeshoes a trudge off to the north.  At least there is more light during the day.  My friends in Ireland are talking about the snow having gone and the spring flowers starting to appear.

I think that maybe I worked a little too hard last week and that I just need some quiet time at home.  Maybe catch up my laundry, read some.  Instead I’m in my car on the way to the gym.  My work out is great.  Weights are up and form is good.  Corey says that he can see nice changes in my lats.  That’s encouraging.  I appreciate hearing positive things about my efforts.  I was not feeling very much gumption when I arrived.

Janice and I go for lunch.  I have a steak with salad that I was craving.  Original Joe’s comes through again.  We talk about change processes and the power of social constructionism.  Of the influence of well crafted positive questions. She is a ray of sunshine, even though we are both feeling a bit despairing about the amount of time it takes to accomplish anything in the city or the province.  For example, where is that train we’ve been talking about for 20 years.  That infrastructure project would transform this province during the recession and create amazing opportunities in the future.  It would attract all kinds of interest in Alberta.  I wonder if I’ll see it in my life time or whether the province will come out of the dark ages.  Still positive change occurs.  We think about how to create civic engagement around important things that would make our city a better place.  We talk about the election.  Then it happens again, the question.  Will I, should I run for City Council?  Can I get more done on the outside then the inside?  I used to think so, now I’m not so sure.  I’ve changed so much in the past couple of years.  I’m far more ready invite difficult dialogue.  I wonder about whether having open honest conversations about what the community could be would be received well during a campaign.  There is time to decide, and I must get Swerve Living under construction before I take on anything new.

At the store Leslie M makes a point of saying some kind words to me about me, my skills and the things that I do.  She tells me how well respected she thinks I am in the community.  It is lovely to hear.  It reminds me of how important it is to tell others the good things we see in them. I feel quite grateful that she has come to work with me at Sunworks.

I sit at my desk and wait for work inspiration.  There is so much I could do.  I settle on government reporting and spend the afternoon feeling out forms and reporting WCB numbers and doing T4 slips.  If one is feeling blue already, might as well use it to your advantage and do the nasty tasks.  I’d rather clean the bathroom than fill out government reports.   Once that is done, I get my Christmas letters out and think about writing everyone back, instead I chat with some close friends.

In the evening, I continue my work on the Swerve Living website and by the end of the night I have the floor plans posted.  I’ve made it through the day, done some things well, made it through some mucky stuff, and spent some time with friends.  The day seems fairly balanced.  Perhaps tomorrow will be laundry day and letter writing.  I’m hoping that as I go to the gym tomorrow, the winter will relent just a wee bit and let the snow soften and the sun shine through.  I hope I’m feeling sunny and bright tomorrow.  Thanks to all of you friends that continue to support and inspire me.

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